spiraling down word
picking apart my brain trying to peace back the parts and make sense of what goes wrong..trying to figure out what im doing wrong to find the cure for my insanity. its a puzzle, and im not confident im ready to take the challenge.. as i justify my ways i wonder if my ways and beliefs are the cancer that infects my world in which it constantly ends in disaster. starting out slowly and everything is fine until it corrupts my brain and heart to the point that i realize there is no other option but to lie and wait for everything to crash and burn and the cycle starts all over again. my only wonder is how many times can i bounce back and surrender and give my world another shot. how many times does a patient endure the treatment before they decide that its not worth hassle and false hope and come to terms with the outcome they have prolonged. insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. will i break and become another or will my insanity take control and corrupt another life, in which im not sure how many more i have left. should i gamble and role the dice another round or step back and finaly be a spectator in this game and study the moves im suppose to make..
[[Baffled]] o_O
damn few
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
~ Tecumseh
when you have been given it all and never taught to fear how could you know any different..and when fear is all that is engraved in your heart and mind its hard to believe that in the end fear is the last instinct that should control your heart. in a world of so many i find myself in a category of so very few. its a bond i find that i will never have with another life..my family away from home.. in your heart you know that youd do anything to keep your family safe even if that meant your own life…but to step into a life when in the beginning you are complete strangers knowing that the man or woman standing next to you would take a bullet for you before they even get to know your name is a bond that can never just be created any where else..its a bond that we swear into knowing that those strangers are the ones that will one day carry you when you have fallen and not even a second thought will cross your mind to do the same for them. its a feeling i wish others could experience but knowing that its a responsibility that is not for everyone. a sacrifice that not everyone should ever have to endure. my peers will see me at my lowest and my strongest moments. they will stand next to me as i take my steps into the unknown ….freedom comes with great consequences. no bad deed goes unpunished but not one of our good deeds comes without a loss and sacrifice..years we will spend from our children lovers and friends. years we will spend separated from our comfort zone isolated from our own familiarity and dropped in a land of every day not knowing whats to come..in a place we will never call home…i only hope when you wake ever day you let the little things slide..you say iloveyou when ever the chance comes and you never hold back on your dreams and goals..appreciate your neighbors no matter how much they suck and never underestimate the guy you bumped into in the store when you cut him in line at the check out..the ppl who stand up and take that oath are the ppl youd never expect to take that chance and risk it all when you can sleep sweet at night knowing your day will be just as you want it from now and forward on… dont take that last breath for granted bc even tho you may have another one ..one of my peers is giving it all away for to be at peace in your own bed..
i can only appreciate the ones who fought before me
the ones that will stand and fight beside me
and the generations who will take the oath after me and carry on our legacy
[[Baffled]] o_O
Dreamland
from the times we are little we are taught to wish upon stars. and if you truly believe your dreams will come true..silly things like if you take a dandelion pick it and blow the seeds in the wind that your wish will come true. the only way things happen good in our lives is because we make them happen we cant depend on silly thoughts just bc they sound nice ..dreams are just that dreams..and no matter how hard you wish and long and not matter how much you want it , it then becomes wishful thinking..and even tho wishing upon a star and keeping your fingers crossed sounds much better than reality. i suppose its a way we can escape from the thought that when things dont work out we have sumthing else to fall back on…and even tho these things have struck my reality i continue to drown in the fraction of a chance that those silly thoughts might actually come true
wishfull thinking
do you believe in destiny?is there such thing as fate? or are they thoughts that keep us believing that theres something other than ourselves to blame for the roads weve traveled upon. is there really sumthing out there at fault for the outcome of our years or can we be held totally responsible for the light that blinds the way.it seems that all the roads that lead the way are winding and all the lights that light the way are blinding but i dont believe that anybody can say that they got anywhere leaving it up to fate. i believe its a way to fool ourselves in believing that life will go the way we planned. but i suppose if it were that easy it would come with a manual or at least a LIFE for DUMMIES book or sumthing. it appears to be as if we are all standing in the dark in a lighted room of our hopeful thinking. and that are worlds just happen to co incide with one another. in the end we are all still just standing in the dark. but i feel like im in a black out i cant escape. so i guess im consumed by the thoughts that keep us absorbed in hope that we wont be wondering around aimlessly forever..im just hopping that ill find a light to light my whole world before i end up in a black hole…
[[Baffled]] o_O
this is the story of a girl .
that cried a river and drown the whole world
Dream young
when your young you dont need material things to keep you happy. a back yard and a football could be your world. fishing at the pond is your relaxing time and when the night falls thats when the fun begins. summer nights filled with camp fires roasted marshmallows and night tag is the greatest time of your life. boys still have cooties and slumber parties and hot coco is all you need to get chocolate wasted and the bigest sugar high of your life. climbing trees makes you feel like your on top of the world and you can get anywhere on a bike.
when your young is when you truly love.when your young you forgive and forget and your heart has been skinned , scraped and bruised but it seems to tough it out..
its when your an adult you realize the would is bigger than your back yard..you realize you can only fall on your face so many times before you break down.. and your heart can only take so much beating before you think you cant give it anymore. you have a hard time forgiving and an even harder time forgetting.
its funny we’re all in such a hurry to grow up, make our own decisions and sum of us will fly by with not a scratch ..but the rest of us may take a few falls and bumps and bruses before we make it out alright. i guess its time to fly..i just hope i dont hit the ground to hard.
[[Baffled]] o_O
cowered
for a lion youve got the rawr of a kitten..you talk alot of talk and cant seem to find your walk..you must be a star with the way you act i would have never known i was front row of the show..shades down on me and i guess thats what i get for letting my guards on break..your a cowered acting like youve done somthing great ..youve conquered the valley youve set down your tracks but you cant make for the kill..silly to think your king the jungle
[[Baffled]] o_O
show time
im tempted to stand in a crouded room and scream just to kno that i am heard. im strung up.. like a puppet in your crazy main stage show idont kno what to think and my mind is racing trying to figure out the next move.stumbling around like a clumsy marrionette clueless on what to say, i have miss understood my part. and it seems i have misplaced my script..CUTT!! take two ..lets start from the top…whats my line again?
[[Baffled o_O]]
![[[Baffled]] o_O](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv1r6jYUkT1qbw4dpo1_500.png)
